matthew 13:31-32

"The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field. It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest garden of plants and grows into a tree where birds can come and find shelter in it's branches."


This Sunday, my pastor couldn't have put that in my head at any better time. I officially know that every little opportunity in my life can grow into something much better and bigger in my life. I can't wait to see what I've got coming with life! I know that no matter what, God has given me everything and anything in my life that he KNOWS I can deal with. I was talking about my past with someone tonight, and they told me that they could hear the anger in my voice when I went on with my story. I couldn't believe I actually sounded angry talking about it. But, it's time to put all of that behind me. I'm done with being angry about my son being neglected by one of his parents. It's pained me for a  year and a half to know that his birth father really wants nothing to do with him. And the reason I feel that way is because I've been there my whole life. I have never felt wanted by my birth father, except for maybe 2 seconds. And that's it. But I've realized that the reason I was put in that situation was because, I needed to learn how to BE strong for my son, BE mommy AND daddy! You know what, I'm doing a GREAT job being both roles. Because, Noah runs to me when I open that door every night after class, because, Noah kisses and hugs me, Noah LOVES when I sing the alphabet to him, Noah KNOWS I'm mommy, and he KNOWS I love him! Sure, I dream of having the moments where, I walk in the door and Noah yells mommy, and my husband kisses me as a welcome home, but I don't care if I never date another guy, if I ever get married. I've got MY son who knows at least his mommy loves him. We've got God to lead us in the right direction. So, God, I'm ready for whatever You have in store for me. You're going to help me through this. Tonight I'm letting go of the past that angers me the most, I'm letting go of how much he gets under my skin when I think about him and how he could abandon his son like that, I'm done. Sure, I'll share my stories, but I'm done hurting, I'm done worrying, and I'm done feeling like "maybe one day he'll come back and be a wonderful dad for Noah."

From now on it's God, Noah, and I. I know with this, we will NEVER fail!

xx-
hope

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