wow.

i haven't blogged in a long time.
much to update... and much more to come soon.
and creating another blog tonight! [:

True Beauty

So, after I wrote my blog about self esteem, I came across a page on facebook called the True Beauty Movement. I want to write an essay and send it in. The topic is 'What is true beauty?'

I've been thinking a lot about this...

and I think I'm going to write it on here..
and then when I think it's good enough,
I'm going to send it in!!

But I believe True Beauty is...
who you are.
how you act.
how you love.
how you live.
what you do.
how you respect.

what do YOU think true beauty is?

I don't know about you..

But music is a life changer, mind reader, goal setter, amazing helping device.
Yeah, I ran out of '-ers' to add on to that.
I guess here lately, I've noticed more than usual how much life and moods are a part of how my day goes.

If I'm in my car, I'm pretty much going to listen to the radio or my iPod.
If I'm in my room blogging or something, I'll listen to worship music. It's my own time. My me time.
If I'm with Noah, it'll probably be something like Katy Perry or Mickey Mouse. How random right?
If I'm with my mom, well it's usually some reggaeton, or something like that.
If I'm in a sad mood, it's definitely Evanescence.
If I'm in my own world and ready to drive and listen to an amazing voice, it's absolutely, positively GREEN DAY. but I mean come on.. who didn't see that coming?
If I want to listen to anything that will calm my nerves and make me happy.. that isn't GREEN DAY. it'll be Brand New or Bayside.

I love the power of music.
How it makes your soul feel so free.
It makes you feel at home.
How, it takes you away to another land where you'll start dancing and singing.
You don't care who's watching you.
You don't know what is going on around you.
The world could be ending. But you're listening to your favorite song.
So you tune everything out.

I'll be completely honest here and say.
I never WANTED to like Justin Bieber.
I wanted to dislike him.
But my son liked one of his songs.
At 4 months old, he was watching the video to 'Baby' on tv.
He had a huge smile on his face.
Btw - He's almost 2 and still likes that song.
But, I knew all of the words by that summer, and my best friend was in the car with me.
That song came on, and I turned it up to the highest volume, sat at the longest light in history
And I sang it to her with all the windows rolled down. And by all, I mean, the only two that you could roll  down lol. She just sat there.. and stared at me. I was in the best mood though, because that one song came on, and I got to have fun and sing it as loud as i wanted.

There will be times that I am in a great mood, and all of the sudden I start listening to Evanescence and I get depressed. Which sucks because, I LOVE THEM. Amy Lee's voice takes music to a whole new level.

There will be times that I am so upset before church or something, and the minute we start worship, I am so into it that I don't want it to end.

Music is my key to life.
[besides my boy of course!]
What's yours?

self esteem.

Let me tell you a tiny story..
about a girl
who has always been over weight.
never been the prettiest one.
is a total dork.
keeps a few friends close.
who has been made fun of and laughed at on a COUNTLESS number of occasions.
she's shy.
she hates that she's over weight.
can't figure out how to fix it.
who feels like she will never find love because she's not pretty enough
or entertaining enough.
guys only want to use her for their pleasure.
and wants to be as pretty as all of her other friends.
..that girl..
well she's me.

i constantly look at all of my friends and wish i could be pretty like them.
i constantly wish i could find love with someone who at least thinks i'm decent to look at.
it's a battle i've fought since i can remember.
day care, baby sitter's kids, elementary, jr high, and even in high school.
i always had someone who made fun of me.
someone who made me realize i was not cute.

it's like.. no matter what.. i can't feel good about myself.
i see videos of myself..
i cringe..
"look at that ugly fat girl who can't do anything...."
"why is she so dumb.."
"she needs to figure out how to be cool.."

then i see pics other people have taken of me...
"ew.. why can't i have a pretty smile"
"ew. look at that ugly smile"

for a few months i felt so cute.
i had lost 2 pant sizes.
i had lost so much weight i was going to start working out
and i was going to get my belly button pierced.
i really felt cute.

no sooner did i think that, and i got pregnant.
i now face what many many women face..
but i feel so alone...
i face the ugliest stretch marks ever.
i see them and i just look at myself and say.. ew. you're disgusting.
no one likes stretch marks like that.

honestly..
i can't even look in a mirror with out gagging half the time.
it's really sad.

i pray about it.
but i don't think i sincerely pray about it.

i just want to look normal.
and i want to be pretty.

most of my friends say
"aw you're so pretty"
but i don't believe them.
because.. i mean..
they're my friends.. they're supposed to say that.
right?!

it's been a never ending battle for as long as i can remember.
i remember all my friends always being so cute..
and then me realizing..
it's not me they want to hang out with
it's so they can feel cute.
and i've always taken that and moved on.
never cared.

in sixth grade..
i was thrown in self esteem classes.
i had NO idea why.
NONE.

but lately.. i feel like i need to do them again.
because this battle has gotten worse..
i put on make up and i feel pretty ..
i look at the rest of me and gag..
i can't figure out how to change it.

sure.. lose weight
that's one step.

the next..
get rid of these ugly stretch marks..
I DON'T AND NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO AFFORD THAT.

i love my son.
i really do
and i SO don't blame him for my stretch marks.

trust me.

ugh.
idk..
i just want to be pretty..
i want to FEEL pretty
i want to BE WANTED.

idk what to do though.
idk how to change anything.
i just need help.

peace and love.
hope

Dancing in the Street.

This weekend I experienced something I hadn't felt in 4 years. 

It was the all time rush. 

The only drug I ever like to be on.

And it's the rush after doing a FLASH MOB DANCE in the middle of the street in downtown Noblesville during the street dance. We performed to "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz. LemonWheel did an AMAZING cover of it though!

The feeling I had during the practices were like.. 

"Am I ever going to get this?"

"Why do I keep messing up?"

"SMILE AND DANCE"

But when I was out there..

it all fell together. 

That night.. I was in the best mood. I didn't care how sweaty I was. I didn't care how hot it was outside. Because in that moment I felt so FREE. It was great! I can't wait to do something like that again! 

[:

Peace & Love,

Hope

The Fourth of July Glitter.

So you're probably wondering why I have my title as the Fourth of July Glitter?
Well, I will get to that reasoning in a minute, but for now.
I just want to tell you what a blessed day it was.

I got to wake up to a beautiful boy of course.
He may have been an über grump, but we got to walk in the Noblesville Parade.
We got the chance to walk with our church.
We got the chance to share with everyone in Noblesville how we Love God and Love Others.
I got to witness something amazing.
One person was trying to hand out one of our invitations,
and someone denied them.. her husband or boyfriend or maybe brother said:
"No - I would love one please, Thank you."
My mouth fell open.
I smiled
Told them both to have a great Fourth.
And went on.
It was nice to see that people aren't ashamed to admit that they love GOD.

Well anyways... that woman and whomever that person was that she was with just stuck in my mind.
I've been praying about them.
I hope that they find what they need in their lives.

Then, what made that parade even more special was hearing a ton of people ask where we were..
And a ton of people saying "5:30 Sundays? Hamilton Sports Complex? AWESOME!"

Well, after that long but awesome walk,
[seriously 1.5 miles!!]
I went back to my car with Noey, and my car just wouldn't work.
Normally, I would be so upset about it...
But I was just in love with how the day was going and how God was working,
That I couldn't.

My car ended up in the shop,
[everything happens for a reason right?]

Then, I had some sad situations happen,
but one of my best friends helped me through it with great words of wisdom,
I took it, and used it.

Then, I went with Noah and my Mom to see the fireworks.
As I was watching the fireworks, I just stared at them
I decided fireworks look just like glitter.
My whole body just felt amazing.
I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be.
I was doing what I was supposed to do.
And I just realized..
God was working through me to be a much happier person!

I can't wait to see where my life goes from here!


Love,
Hope

DIAMOND CANDLES!

For those of you that have followed me recently on facebook, you will know that all I've talked about is Diamond Candles.

If you don't know what Diamond Candles are, then I'll quickly explain! [: A Diamond Candle is made out of soy. They smell so good. Almost real in fact. Each candle comes with a ring in it. It can be priced anywhere from $10 to $5,000. That's the best part. The candles only cost 24.95 + s&h. I received mine almost 2 or 3 days after I ordered! How awesome right? They are a truly amazing company.

When I received my amazing box at my door step, I jumped for joy!

I brought it into my dining room:

 Literally. As soon as I opened the box, I

 could smell nothing but amazingness.

So I opened up each one slowly. 

look how awesome they are packed!

and voila! 

The blue one is called Sunwashed.

The Vanilla one is called Cupcake

The green one is called Apple Slice. 

The gold is where the rings are. 

They're nicely packaged. They're covered in a Wax, then a foil, then a plastic bag.

I didn't show that for whatever reason, but...

There is my ring! :D 

I'm in love.

No, My ring isn't real, but it still is sooo pretty! 

And I don't even like gold! 

Awesome right??!

Hope all of you have a blessed weekend!

xx -

Hope