"The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field. It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest garden of plants and grows into a tree where birds can come and find shelter in it's branches."
This Sunday, my pastor couldn't have put that in my head at any better time. I officially know that every little opportunity in my life can grow into something much better and bigger in my life. I can't wait to see what I've got coming with life! I know that no matter what, God has given me everything and anything in my life that he KNOWS I can deal with. I was talking about my past with someone tonight, and they told me that they could hear the anger in my voice when I went on with my story. I couldn't believe I actually sounded angry talking about it. But, it's time to put all of that behind me. I'm done with being angry about my son being neglected by one of his parents. It's pained me for a year and a half to know that his birth father really wants nothing to do with him. And the reason I feel that way is because I've been there my whole life. I have never felt wanted by my birth father, except for maybe 2 seconds. And that's it. But I've realized that the reason I was put in that situation was because, I needed to learn how to BE strong for my son, BE mommy AND daddy! You know what, I'm doing a GREAT job being both roles. Because, Noah runs to me when I open that door every night after class, because, Noah kisses and hugs me, Noah LOVES when I sing the alphabet to him, Noah KNOWS I'm mommy, and he KNOWS I love him! Sure, I dream of having the moments where, I walk in the door and Noah yells mommy, and my husband kisses me as a welcome home, but I don't care if I never date another guy, if I ever get married. I've got MY son who knows at least his mommy loves him. We've got God to lead us in the right direction. So, God, I'm ready for whatever You have in store for me. You're going to help me through this. Tonight I'm letting go of the past that angers me the most, I'm letting go of how much he gets under my skin when I think about him and how he could abandon his son like that, I'm done. Sure, I'll share my stories, but I'm done hurting, I'm done worrying, and I'm done feeling like "maybe one day he'll come back and be a wonderful dad for Noah."
From now on it's God, Noah, and I. I know with this, we will NEVER fail!
xx-
hope
ps. please click the ads on my page! they will not get you a virus i promise! they just get me money! and that's money i NEED. they're all google sponsored!! so some of the profits go to me, and that'll help me get little things that i need to buy for noah! thank you soo much!! xx
Friday, April 8, 2011
things that are awesome about thursday.
thursdayyy!
thursday is my "friday"
end of school til saturday.
thursday usually means that it's time
to get ready for an awesome time at april's on fridays!
this thursday meant getting things ready
for tours for eden's venue tours for churches for her wedding!
how awesome!
thursday also meant. EDOPE reunion on friday
how exciting!!
well.. something different happened this thursday
this different thing has never happened, in the 22 1/2 years i've been alive.
this meant i can officially say i've done this once in my life.
i feel like i should've put this on my bucket list...
it's a major moment in my life.
i HOPE RENEE WOOLSEY officially burped.
i've never burped in my life.
it was a gross taste,
and very unexpected.
but i did it.
why am i excited, you ask!?
because even as a baby i didn't burp!
i "ribbit" as april calls it.
i sound like a frog when i TRY to burp..
it never releases real gas or anything.
it's just a sound.
so yes, april, i officially did it.
i BURPED!!
xx-
hope
ps. please click the ads! they get me moneys! and i need that!!! so please please please! they will not get you a virus! they're all google sponsored!! i promise you're helping me out a ton!! thanks xx!
thursday is my "friday"
end of school til saturday.
thursday usually means that it's time
to get ready for an awesome time at april's on fridays!
this thursday meant getting things ready
for tours for eden's venue tours for churches for her wedding!
how awesome!
thursday also meant. EDOPE reunion on friday
how exciting!!
well.. something different happened this thursday
this different thing has never happened, in the 22 1/2 years i've been alive.
this meant i can officially say i've done this once in my life.
i feel like i should've put this on my bucket list...
it's a major moment in my life.
i HOPE RENEE WOOLSEY officially burped.
i've never burped in my life.
it was a gross taste,
and very unexpected.
but i did it.
why am i excited, you ask!?
because even as a baby i didn't burp!
i "ribbit" as april calls it.
i sound like a frog when i TRY to burp..
it never releases real gas or anything.
it's just a sound.
so yes, april, i officially did it.
i BURPED!!
xx-
hope
ps. please click the ads! they get me moneys! and i need that!!! so please please please! they will not get you a virus! they're all google sponsored!! i promise you're helping me out a ton!! thanks xx!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
a late; but promised blog.
sunday, sunday, sunday.
i loveeeee me some sundays!!
it means church!
waterline church.
amazing.
to say the least.
it's been the best experience of my life.
minus my son of course!!
i woke up.
realized i over slept.
rushed to get ready.
got noah out of bed
got in the car to go to breakfast with april and lindsy and family!
called april halfway down greenfield,
told her i didn't think i'd make it to the gas station so i was calling her in case.
turned into the gas station,
rolled to pump 10.
yes i ROLLED to pump 10
because i ran out of gas right there.
went to breakfast
i hadn't seen lindsy in forever so i was reallyyyy excited!!
then went to check to see if i had money in the bank. didn't...
got food for noah and i.
WHO KNEW TACO BELL HAD COMICS FOR KIDS MEALS?!
came home
showered
got all ready for church
went to church with noah.
loved every second of it.
i'll talk more about that in my next blog post!
went out on a date with a friend and my noeybean!
came home.
that was that....
oh- monday, monday, monday.
how i dread you, but love you because it's a fresh start to the week.
i was in a deep sleep, and suddenly woke up to a phone call at 8:45 a.m.
my phone was on vibrate, so i have no idea why i woke up.
it was my mom.
"what are you doing?" - mom
"just woke up..." - me
"i figured that.. guess what i left at home?!" - mom
(half annoyed half asleep) "what....." - me
"my power cord, i need it, i'll give you 20$" - mom
"i'm gonna shower, and then we'll head there." - me
i hang up the phone, get in the shower, get bean ready, and out the door we go.
i head to the gas station, because yah know..
10$ gets you NO WHERE anymore.
i was at the pump using my card, and it said i could start pumping
so i did.. it stopped at seventeen cents!!!
why even let me put gas in!??!?!
i was sooo mad!!
that was all i had on my card?!?!?
so i went into my bank,
talked to the lady at the desk
she explained to me to just come in during business hours from then on and
deposit checks! i definitely will from now on! i promise!
i was informed that my money wouldn't be available for a few hours.
i put noah in the car and and while i was doing that...
my whole back end that was stick out of the car..
yep SOAKED!!
i, then, got in the car.
i called my mom to tell her what was up.
we decided to meet at speedway on 82nd street.
that was as far as my car would take my anyways.
so i'm sitting there with a cranky and very hungry noeybean!
an hour later mom shows up
we're off to get gas
and then mcdonalds!
noah got a toy that he was obsessed with until he lost one of the parts minutes later.
go figure right?
i laid noah down for a nap.
i got ready.
i was checking my bank account.
got locked out of the online bank
so i called them.
the first thing i hear is
"thank you for calling the free sex hotline.."
i look at my phone
look at the computer
i'm trying to get the numbers right in my head..
and it still looked like the right number...
"where all your dreams come true. you can talk dirty and be naughty all day and night"
i looked back at the computer
and my phone again...
OHHHHHHHHHH
dyslexia got the best of me! haha.
i called april to tell her about what happened and then called the bank.
got noah up.
took him to sally's with me
where he tried to tear it up..
finally got my amazing new extensions.
i walked out with noah and before i knew it.
i had water up to my knees!
so i get to school
get noah to my mom
and it was time to work on stuff!
i cut a mannequin and started styling her.
when i got a client.
i had to do a shampoo and iron out.
not too bad.
i've done this before.
i can do it.
she'll leave happy.
it took me forever.
i prayed and prayed and prayed that God would send someone to help
and before i knew it, tamesha was there to help me.
if it wasn't for her. i would've broke down.
i came home and started working on my extensions,
took a shower and went to bed.
hello tuesday, tuesday, tuesday.
it was the first time noah woke up before me in 2 days.
and it was nice.
i was having a great day and everything seemed fine.
then i get an IM.
"jon's in jail"
WHAT THE CRAP!?!
idk how 2 out of 3 of my exes are in jail
and the other one is well on his way.
it just got so weird.
i couldn't believe it.
but not only are 2 of my exes in jail
they a. both know each other.
and b. are in the same jail. just not together.
ugh. i'm glad i'm looking for guys who are in church now.
i can't do that anymore.
it's just one thing after another.
and the thing that keeps me smiling at the end of each weird day that should've bummed me out...
i loveeeee me some sundays!!
it means church!
waterline church.
amazing.
to say the least.
it's been the best experience of my life.
minus my son of course!!
i woke up.
realized i over slept.
rushed to get ready.
got noah out of bed
got in the car to go to breakfast with april and lindsy and family!
called april halfway down greenfield,
told her i didn't think i'd make it to the gas station so i was calling her in case.
turned into the gas station,
rolled to pump 10.
yes i ROLLED to pump 10
because i ran out of gas right there.
went to breakfast
i hadn't seen lindsy in forever so i was reallyyyy excited!!
then went to check to see if i had money in the bank. didn't...
got food for noah and i.
WHO KNEW TACO BELL HAD COMICS FOR KIDS MEALS?!
came home
showered
got all ready for church
went to church with noah.
waiting for all his pals
playing a little basketball
i thought this was super cute.
loved every second of it.
i'll talk more about that in my next blog post!
went out on a date with a friend and my noeybean!
waiting at o'charleys
came home.
that was that....
oh- monday, monday, monday.
how i dread you, but love you because it's a fresh start to the week.
i was in a deep sleep, and suddenly woke up to a phone call at 8:45 a.m.
my phone was on vibrate, so i have no idea why i woke up.
it was my mom.
"what are you doing?" - mom
"just woke up..." - me
"i figured that.. guess what i left at home?!" - mom
(half annoyed half asleep) "what....." - me
"my power cord, i need it, i'll give you 20$" - mom
"i'm gonna shower, and then we'll head there." - me
i hang up the phone, get in the shower, get bean ready, and out the door we go.
i head to the gas station, because yah know..
10$ gets you NO WHERE anymore.
i was at the pump using my card, and it said i could start pumping
so i did.. it stopped at seventeen cents!!!
why even let me put gas in!??!?!
i was sooo mad!!
that was all i had on my card?!?!?
so i went into my bank,
talked to the lady at the desk
she explained to me to just come in during business hours from then on and
deposit checks! i definitely will from now on! i promise!
i was informed that my money wouldn't be available for a few hours.
i put noah in the car and and while i was doing that...
my whole back end that was stick out of the car..
yep SOAKED!!
i, then, got in the car.
i called my mom to tell her what was up.
we decided to meet at speedway on 82nd street.
that was as far as my car would take my anyways.
so i'm sitting there with a cranky and very hungry noeybean!
an hour later mom shows up
we're off to get gas
and then mcdonalds!
noah got a toy that he was obsessed with until he lost one of the parts minutes later.
go figure right?
i laid noah down for a nap.
i got ready.
i was checking my bank account.
got locked out of the online bank
so i called them.
the first thing i hear is
"thank you for calling the free sex hotline.."
i look at my phone
look at the computer
i'm trying to get the numbers right in my head..
and it still looked like the right number...
"where all your dreams come true. you can talk dirty and be naughty all day and night"
i looked back at the computer
and my phone again...
OHHHHHHHHHH
dyslexia got the best of me! haha.
i called april to tell her about what happened and then called the bank.
got noah up.
took him to sally's with me
where he tried to tear it up..
finally got my amazing new extensions.
18" worth of hair!!
i had water up to my knees!
so i get to school
get noah to my mom
and it was time to work on stuff!
i cut a mannequin and started styling her.
when i got a client.
i had to do a shampoo and iron out.
not too bad.
i've done this before.
i can do it.
she'll leave happy.
it took me forever.
i prayed and prayed and prayed that God would send someone to help
and before i knew it, tamesha was there to help me.
if it wasn't for her. i would've broke down.
i came home and started working on my extensions,
took a shower and went to bed.
hello tuesday, tuesday, tuesday.
it was the first time noah woke up before me in 2 days.
and it was nice.
i was having a great day and everything seemed fine.
then i get an IM.
"jon's in jail"
WHAT THE CRAP!?!
idk how 2 out of 3 of my exes are in jail
and the other one is well on his way.
it just got so weird.
i couldn't believe it.
but not only are 2 of my exes in jail
they a. both know each other.
and b. are in the same jail. just not together.
ugh. i'm glad i'm looking for guys who are in church now.
i can't do that anymore.
it's just one thing after another.
and the thing that keeps me smiling at the end of each weird day that should've bummed me out...
GOD
i know at the end of the day. He will be there for me.
i had to blog about this!! i couldn't keep it all in.
after my next blog.
i will start mommy blogging more.
i'll let me whole pregnancy story out there.
and trust me.
it's a scary thing to officially post for people who don't know.
and then i'll post my birth story.
noah's first year.
and then i'll be all caught up.
it's going to be an interesting story
so keep reading.
xx--
hope.
ps. please click the ads. you'll be getting me money! and trust me i could use the money!! just click them.. it won't harm your computer!! it's all google sponsored!! please please please!! xx.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
so it's april
so, it's april
which means
tornadoes (UGH!!)
thunderstorms (UGGGHHH!!)
rain <3 <3 <3
warmth
easter
playdates
mommy and me: aptb will FINALLY kick off!!
hang up the coats
get out the rain boots
find noah some cool rain boots.
or can boys wear rain boots?
play with arts and crafts...
well here's the deal...
this month, i want to practice in baking, crocheting, and scrapbooking.
i'm going to teach myself!
also, i'm going to start practicing the piano.
i figure if i can't get the guitar down,
i already have some practice with the piano and reading music,
so why not?!
maybe then, when noah and i have our own house one day,
we'll be able to get a piano!
i mean boy loves music as it is! haha.
today i got a check in the mail from school
SOOO excited!
i've got to pay april as much as i can
i'm getting extensions!
and bean something
the rest is going towards gas and saturday lunches!
also, this week, i became obsessed with GATORADE!!
<3 i wish you knew how much i loved this stuff.
i actually found a new favorite..
old favorite:
which means
tornadoes (UGH!!)
thunderstorms (UGGGHHH!!)
rain <3 <3 <3
warmth
easter
playdates
mommy and me: aptb will FINALLY kick off!!
hang up the coats
get out the rain boots
find noah some cool rain boots.
or can boys wear rain boots?
play with arts and crafts...
well here's the deal...
this month, i want to practice in baking, crocheting, and scrapbooking.
i'm going to teach myself!
also, i'm going to start practicing the piano.
i figure if i can't get the guitar down,
i already have some practice with the piano and reading music,
so why not?!
maybe then, when noah and i have our own house one day,
we'll be able to get a piano!
i mean boy loves music as it is! haha.
today i got a check in the mail from school
SOOO excited!
i've got to pay april as much as i can
i'm getting extensions!
and bean something
the rest is going towards gas and saturday lunches!
also, this week, i became obsessed with GATORADE!!
<3 i wish you knew how much i loved this stuff.
i actually found a new favorite..
old favorite:
lemon lime <3
new favorite:
blueberry pomegranate
now yes.. i know it sounds veryyyy gross,
but it's smooth.
and tastes wonderful!
also, i picked up a book!
i'm already in love with it.
it's called
Baggage
it's about a pregnant woman who just found out, and she's hiding it from the rest of the town she lives in because she lives in a small town where everyone drinks, and if you don't drink when you go to the 'pub' then you are instantly considered pregnant.
i'm only on chapter two, so i'll let you know how it is when it ends. (:
hopefully it's as good as it began!
anyways..
xx
- hope <3
Friday, April 1, 2011
Priorities.
So, you ask me what it takes for us to get back together...
I say, "Well for starters, you need to get sober.."
Your response, "Well, never mind then."
My response, had you not cut me off,
"Well then you never really wanted to be with me in the first place.
I have a child, who needs sobriety. I don't think in order to live
you need to be high or drunk 24/7."
I mean..
That is just my opinion,
but I also believe that if you can't be sober enough to be in a relationship
with me and be sober for my child, then why would we get together.
I just don't understand.
I mean, you live your life.
And I'll live mine,
and that'll be that.
That brings me to my next point...
You hated that I go to church,
because you don't believe,
Well, that is one major difference in us,
and you couldn't even accept that we had a difference.
You would tear me down daily,
You would make fun of me.
So that makes me wonder..
Why should I take you back for how you treated me?!
I THINK NOT.
I just don't understand why it's so hard to be sober and like me?
I'm not that bad of a person.
I'm actually a really sweet person.
I'm definitely going to teach my son how NOT to be.
I mean, he already has someone to show him how NOT to be,
and that's because he's not even there for him.
Disowned him and everything.
How awesome are you?
I believe I can be the *best* mommy AND daddy for Noah.
He doesn't need someone who is going to pretend to like him
or someone who is in and out of his life
or someone who can't be sober
or someone who hates life.
someone who gives up..
He needs someone who is doing something to make their lives better
Someone who is willing to spend all the time in the world with him
Someone who loves him
Someone who would give the world for him!
Someone who will help him practice whatever activity he's in.
Who will sit there with him when he's having trouble with learning anything!
I just want the best for Noah,
and if it means doing it on my own,
then I WILL.
xx
I say, "Well for starters, you need to get sober.."
Your response, "Well, never mind then."
My response, had you not cut me off,
"Well then you never really wanted to be with me in the first place.
I have a child, who needs sobriety. I don't think in order to live
you need to be high or drunk 24/7."
I mean..
That is just my opinion,
but I also believe that if you can't be sober enough to be in a relationship
with me and be sober for my child, then why would we get together.
I just don't understand.
I mean, you live your life.
And I'll live mine,
and that'll be that.
That brings me to my next point...
You hated that I go to church,
because you don't believe,
Well, that is one major difference in us,
and you couldn't even accept that we had a difference.
You would tear me down daily,
You would make fun of me.
So that makes me wonder..
Why should I take you back for how you treated me?!
I THINK NOT.
I just don't understand why it's so hard to be sober and like me?
I'm not that bad of a person.
I'm actually a really sweet person.
I'm definitely going to teach my son how NOT to be.
I mean, he already has someone to show him how NOT to be,
and that's because he's not even there for him.
Disowned him and everything.
How awesome are you?
I believe I can be the *best* mommy AND daddy for Noah.
He doesn't need someone who is going to pretend to like him
or someone who is in and out of his life
or someone who can't be sober
or someone who hates life.
someone who gives up..
He needs someone who is doing something to make their lives better
Someone who is willing to spend all the time in the world with him
Someone who loves him
Someone who would give the world for him!
Someone who will help him practice whatever activity he's in.
Who will sit there with him when he's having trouble with learning anything!
I just want the best for Noah,
and if it means doing it on my own,
then I WILL.
xx
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