i haven't done this in a LONG time.

I haven't done this in a long time, but I think this will be my last post like this, mostly because I keep forgetting to put this up, but I plan on setting up a three time a week thing JUST like this only it'll be different questions for each day that I do them! So here's to my last 5 things post! Thanks to all that have actually paid attention to this. 


- what are [five] things you are grateful for?
[one] my son definitely. 
[two] the people i have in my life
[three] God
[four] having a roof over my head
[five] being alive to see another day... 


- what are [five] of your strongest strengths or positive traits?
[one] my big heart!
[two] forgiveness 
[three] love
[four] strength
[five] caring [: 


- who are [five] people that love you most?
[one] God
[two] Noah
[three] Mom
[four] Family
[five] closest friends. [:


- what are [five] things you're looking forward to in the next [five] days?
[one] hearing back from paradise bakery 
[two] THE BLACK KEYS.
[three] edope, fo sho reunion day
[four] church
[five] hopefully getting the job so i can start school at qc school of wedding and event planning [: 

It's The WEEKEND!!

It's a busy weekend, no doubt about it. I've got tons going on.

Today, Noah and I hung out with my friend Taryn at our neighborhood pool. We had so much fun!! Noah got a tiny bit of sun.. I think his sun block wore off or something. The only tan I need to work on right now is MY LEGS!! ugh. They are sooo ghostly white. haha.

First off being, school. I'm going to get up early and be at school, only to leave from there and go pick up my bestie!! Who, by the way, I haven't spent a ton of time with since she moved to an extremely small town far far away from me :/ Gretchen and I go way back. Basically, we met one day, and the next we had friendship necklaces, and we were having marker fights. 8th grade we had EVERY class together.. pretty much anyways. Only one semester where we didn't. Which.. was weird. But we have been through everything together. Between, solo and ensemble, to me moving far away, to break ups, to make ups, to growing up.. it's been a CRAZY almost 10 years.. I remember when we were awkward seventh graders... I'm going to break her HOT BOX virginity!! I'm sooo excited!

[[GB -
i, for real, can't believe we met at 13, and now you're turning 23. I remember all the crazy things we used to do. Staying up until 7 am. Realizing it's daylight, going to bed, waking up at 5 in afternoon, and doing it all over again. Rolling chairs with lap fulls of snacks. Fireworks listening to Fall Out Boy. Writing letters, spending weeks on end together, big fights turning into long talks, texting, talking on the phone for hours.... both of us going through big changes in our lives, growing up, but still when we get together, we're those awkward 7th graders, who now wear make up and better clothes! I love you lady! and I'm glad I can still say you're my best friend after 10 years!]]

Then, Sunday is going to be one of the best days [minus hopey and gretchy day] I get to go to my first baby nieces BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG fifth birthday party!!!! I can't wait!! I, for real, remember the day she was born. April and I were KNOWN to sleep in, and I was sleeping in the day it happened.. I got two calls from Jhordan's phone.. And I just ignored it.. Not even thinking.. Then, I went to my cousin's to stay the night. And that night, I got a call from my mom saying, Abigail Elise had been born!!! I COULDN'T believe my baby niece was here! And now.. SHE'S GOING TO BE FIVE!! ahhh!!

[[Abi -
awntopey is very proud of the lady you have become. From the first time I ever held you, to now, I just can't believe how grown up you are! I know right now you don't understand much of why I'm so excited to have seen you grow, but one day you will! I remember all of the silly things we used to do together. I just want you to know that i love you so much! Even though baby Noah and I don't see you every day, we both love you very much! I'm glad to say I have the coolest and most beautiful nieces ever! Happy birthday babygirl! Love always, awntopey]]


[[baybiicakels -
Honey, I'm glad that we're best friends and that no matter what you consider me family! We've been through a crazy ton of things together. I love everything that has gone on. We have a very strong bond. It's something not many friends have. We met online by accident. Thank Sarah B. for that! lol. And Spanish! joined.at.the.hip. I'm proud of the mommy you've become!! Keep up the awesome work with your precious ladies and my beauitful nieceybutts!! I love them both as if they were my own. Just like you with Noah. I can't wait to see you graduate and to be your guinea pig for school!! I lAve you Great Big Bunches Baybay!!]]


Then, is my bestie JACKIE's baby shower for Baby Jaxon!! My very first NEPHEW!!! I am sooo stoked!! I can't wait to see my fave "crazypregnantlady", as she calls herself!! [and of course, my kicking little nephew in the belly!! Jackie and I have had a crazy ride of a friendship. We met at VU. We became room mates, and we partied together a lot. Then we came back home, went to school at Kayes for a while, and then, I had a baby, she got married, and NOW SHE'S HAVING THE BABY!! yayyy!!! aklgja;klja;dflkjad <<< excitement!!

[[Lexxtacyyy!! 
My oh my, you have grown up a ton in the past year. Or three. You and I have been through crazy things, like, switching out room mates to become room mates, 350, all the crazy stuff that we used to do 350 style, boy drama, drama that our 'friends' caused to make us not talk to each other ever, to stupid schools, me having aldergator, getting into better schools, you getting married, and being my fave preggers lady!! i am sooo excited to have watched you bloom into the woman you are today! I can't wait to see how awesome of a mother you are going to be to that amazing little boy! Jaxon is going to have a wonderful cousin/big brother to have as a body guard!! I love you like crazy woman!! And I'm extremely proud of you!!]]


After her baby shower, Noah and I will be heading off to church. It'll be a pretty chill night after that, but I'm excited for the busy weekend I have planned!!

I'm glad to say God has blessed me with the best friends a woman could as for.

Have a good night everyone.
xx -
Hope

days seventeen & eighteen.

i'm posting this one earlier in the day! yay!! 
going to blog again tonight though! 


- what are [five] things you are grateful for?
[one] my son definitely. 
[two] the people i have in my life
[three] God
[four] having a roof over my head
[five] being alive to see another day... even if i possibly have an ear infection! [:


- what are [five] of your strongest strengths or positive traits?
[one] i challenge you to fill these in for me. i hate always talking about myself, so i want YOU to do it instead!
[two]
[three]
[four]
[five]


- who are [five] people that love you most?
[one] God
[two] Noah
[three] Mom
[four] Family
[five] closest friends. 


- what are [five] things you're looking forward to in the next [five] days?
[one] sprinkler park with kadence, bean, and kristin! 
[two] filling out a job application.
[three] gretchy's bday party with brittany!
[four] my beautiful niece's fifth birthday party!
[five] my BFF's baby shower for her amazing son jaxon!!! <3 [: 

day two and three combined (:

sorry, i already failed at this, i was sooo preoccupied with noah bc he didn't go to bed until 230 AM (i know right? crazy!) that i didn't feel like blogging.

- what are five things i'm grateful for today?
[one] not having a client so i could practice on miss kim with haircuts because after the disaster on monday, i didn't want to ever go back to school.
[two] some of the girls i go to school with talking me into picking up another pair of sheers and trying again!
[three] my son being the sweetest most amazing thing in my life. i still believe i'm living a dream.
[four] music. it seriously ties my life together.
[five] God, of course, because he gave me yet another glorious day to be with my son. [:

- what are five of my strongest strengths or positive traits?
[one] i've learned how to block drama out of my life.
[two] looking toward the positive and less on the negative
[three] caring/forgiving
[four] love
[five] faith in Him and other people. [:

- who are five people who love me most?
[one] my son
[two] my mom
[three] God
[four] extended family
[five] my best friends.

- what are five things i'm looking forward to in the next seven days?
[one] weekend with noah
[two] splash ministries on sunday
[three] hopefully working on my music video
[four]  passing a test on saturday
[five] warm weather.

xx-
hope

a late; but promised blog.

sunday, sunday, sunday.
i loveeeee me some sundays!!
it means church!
waterline church.
amazing.
to say the least.
it's been the best experience of my life.
minus my son of course!!
i woke up.
realized i over slept.
rushed to get ready.
got noah out of bed
got in the car to go to breakfast with april and lindsy and family!
called april halfway down greenfield,
told her i didn't think i'd make it to the gas station so i was calling her in case.
turned into the gas station,
rolled to pump 10.
yes i ROLLED to pump 10
because i ran out of gas right there.
went to breakfast
i hadn't seen lindsy in forever so i was reallyyyy excited!!

then went to check to see if i had money in the bank. didn't...
got food for noah and i.
WHO KNEW TACO BELL HAD COMICS FOR KIDS MEALS?!
came home
showered
got all ready for church
went to church with noah.

   waiting for all his pals

                               

playing a little basketball

i thought this was super cute.

loved every second of it.
i'll talk more about that in my next blog post!
went out on a date with a friend and my noeybean!

waiting at o'charleys

came home.
that was that....


oh- monday, monday, monday. 
how i dread you, but love you because it's a fresh start to the week.
i was in a deep sleep, and suddenly woke up to a phone call at 8:45 a.m.
my phone was on vibrate, so i have no idea why i woke up.
it was my mom.
"what are you doing?" - mom
"just woke up..." - me
"i figured that.. guess what i left at home?!" - mom
(half annoyed half asleep) "what....." - me
"my power cord, i need it, i'll give you 20$" - mom
"i'm gonna shower, and then we'll head there." - me

i hang up the phone, get in the shower, get bean ready, and out the door we go.

i head to the gas station, because yah know..
10$ gets you NO WHERE anymore.
i was at the pump using my card, and it said i could start pumping
so i did.. it stopped at seventeen cents!!!
why even let me put gas in!??!?!
i was sooo mad!!
that was all i had on my card?!?!?
so i went into my bank,
talked to the lady at the desk
she explained to me to just come in during business hours from then on and
deposit checks! i definitely will from now on! i promise!
i was informed that my money wouldn't be available for a few hours.
i put noah in the car and and while i was doing that...
my whole back end that was stick out of the car..
yep SOAKED!!
i, then, got in the car.
i called my mom to tell her what was up.
we decided to meet at speedway on 82nd street.
that was as far as my car would take my anyways.
so i'm sitting there with a cranky and very hungry noeybean!
an hour later mom shows up
we're off to get gas
and then mcdonalds!
noah got a toy that he was obsessed with until he lost one of the parts minutes later.
go figure right?
i laid noah down for a nap.
i got ready.
i was checking my bank account.
got locked out of the online bank
so i called them.
the first thing i hear is
"thank you for calling the free sex hotline.."
i look at my phone
look at the computer
i'm trying to get the numbers right in my head..
and it still looked like the right number...
"where all your dreams come true. you can talk dirty and be naughty all day and night"
i looked back at the computer
and my phone again...
OHHHHHHHHHH
dyslexia got the best of me! haha.
i called april to tell her about what happened and then called the bank.
got noah up.
took him to sally's with me
where he tried to tear it up..
finally got my amazing new extensions.

18" worth of hair!!

i walked out with noah and before i knew it.
i had water up to my knees!
so i get to school
get noah to my mom
and it was time to work on stuff!
i cut a mannequin and started styling her.
when i got a client.
i had to do a shampoo and iron out.
not too bad.
i've done this before.
i can do it.
she'll leave happy.
it took me forever.
i prayed and prayed and prayed that God would send someone to help
and before i knew it, tamesha was there to help me.
if it wasn't for her. i would've broke down.
i came home and started working on my extensions,
took a shower and went to bed.

hello tuesday, tuesday, tuesday.
it was the first time noah woke up before me in 2 days.
and it was nice.
i was having a great day and everything seemed fine.
then i get an IM.
"jon's in jail"
WHAT THE CRAP!?!
idk how 2 out of 3 of my exes are in jail
and the other one is well on his way.
it just got so weird.
i couldn't believe it.
but not only are 2 of my exes in jail
they a. both know each other.
and b. are in the same jail. just not together.
ugh. i'm glad i'm looking for guys who are in church now.
i can't do that anymore.
it's just one thing after another.
and the thing that keeps me smiling at the end of each weird day that should've bummed me out...

GOD

i know at the end of the day. He will be there for me. 

i had to blog about this!! i couldn't keep it all in.

after my next blog. 

i will start mommy blogging more.

i'll let me whole pregnancy story out there.

and trust me. 

it's a scary thing to officially post for people who don't know.

and then i'll post my birth story. 

noah's first year. 

and then i'll be all caught up. 

it's going to be an interesting story 

so keep reading. 

xx--

hope.

ps. please click the ads. you'll be getting me money! and trust me i could use the money!! just click them.. it won't harm your computer!! it's all google sponsored!! please please please!!  xx.

Priorities.

So, you ask me what it takes for us to get back together...
I say, "Well for starters, you need to get sober.."
Your response, "Well, never mind then."
My response, had you not cut me off,
"Well then you never really wanted to be with me in the first place.
I have a child, who needs sobriety. I don't think in order to live
you need to be high or drunk 24/7."

I mean..
That is just my opinion,
but I also believe that if you can't be sober enough to be in a relationship
with me and be sober for my child, then why would we get together.
I just don't understand.

I mean, you live your life.
And I'll live mine,
and that'll be that.

That brings me to my next point...
You hated that I go to church,
because you don't believe,
Well, that is one major difference in us,
and you couldn't even accept that we had a difference.
You would tear me down daily,
You would make fun of me.

So that makes me wonder..
Why should I take you back for how you treated me?!
I THINK NOT.


I just don't understand why it's so hard to be sober and like me?
I'm not that bad of a person.
I'm actually a really sweet person.
I'm definitely going to teach my son how NOT to be.
I mean, he already has someone to show him how NOT to be,
and that's because he's not even there for him.
Disowned him and everything.
How awesome are you?

I believe I can be the *best* mommy AND daddy for Noah.
He doesn't need someone who is going to pretend to like him
or someone who is in and out of his life
or someone who can't be sober
or someone who hates life.
someone who gives up..

He needs someone who is doing something to make their lives better
Someone who is willing to spend all the time in the world with him
Someone who loves him
Someone who would give the world for him!
Someone who will help him practice whatever activity he's in.
Who will sit there with him when he's having trouble with learning anything!

I just want the best for Noah,
and if it means doing it on my own,
then I WILL.

xx